Another loud voice in the Internet wilderness

Back before the days of Video and Cable, certain films you could only see once a year. Wizard of Oz was one of those. Every Thanksgiving it would come on along with the all day Godzilla fest. I was never a huge fan of the film, but was fascinated by others love of the film.

One day I was flipping the channel and I came across it on TBS. I started watching it and saw it through to the end. When that assclown Wizard hightails it out of Oz in a balloon, poor Dorothy is left to worry how she’ll get home. That’s when Glinda, the “good” witch tells her she could have left two hours ago.

Why did she wait so long? Cause Dorothy was an unwitting Patsy in Glinda’s scheme to take over Oz/Munchkinland. Here’s how:

Glinda, the “Good” Witch of the North wanted to run shit but was blocked by the Wicked Witch of The West and her sister the Wicked Witch of the East. (What happened to the Witch of the South we shall leave alone for now. That and inserting a picture of Paula Deen, TOO easy) She was outnumbered and probably because of some prohibition against Witch-on-Witch rubouts could not directly attack them. Enter Dorothy. When she and the house fell on Ms East in the midst of strong arming the Munchkins Glinda smelled an opportunity.

See that? Dorothy never coveted those shoes! Glinda put them on her. Dorothy was still dumbstruck over being able to see in color for the first time.

Anywho, after Ms West left Glinda sent her off to see her henchman, the “Wizard”. As it would take time for Dorothy to walk/dance/sing over there ,Glinda could shoot herself over there first to set the next part of her scheme in motion. Glinda flew there and told the “Wizard” to instruct her to get Ms West’s broom, knowing full well, it would have to be pried out of her cold dead hands.

Now suppose Dorothy had failed? Suppose Ms West had taken out Dorothy and gotten her sister’s Jordan’s back? Nothing could be traced back to Glinda. No harm no foul.  Very Hyman Roth like of her hmmm? Now once Dorothy inadvertently snuffs out Ms West (Who would have guessed she was allergic to water? I had no idea she drove a New York cab in the summer? Thank you! Try the veal!) She and her crew go back to the bullshit ass Wizard, who after being exposed as a fraud pays off the Tin Man** with some cheap ass heart shaped Dolce and Gabbana knock off watch, the Scarecrow with a diploma from ICDC college and the punk ass Lion with some medal he found at Goodwill.

But what about Dorothy? The Wizard at first offers to take her home in his balloon. But then I’ll bet he had some big ass debts and or warrants back in Kansas and if he showed back up in a balloon with an underaged girl he’d be violating the Mann Act and was not fucking with the feds. And seizing the opportunity to flee the yoke of Glinda, pretended to not have any control of said balloon and took off. Glinda’s crafty ass probably figured this out. She could have waved that wand and shot his ass right out of the sky. But to do so would have revealed her true nature. Now was not the moment to do so.

So she lets Dorothy know she’s had the means to return to her Sepia colored home all this time. Dorothy clicks her heels says the magic words and is gone. I’ll bet the heels stayed. And Glinda seized them and used their power to erect statues of herself all over the place and put the Munchkins to work in sweat shops creating designer knockoffs.

** like America sang “Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man that he didn’t, didn’t already have”

This is only slightly more interesting than the movie

I’m writing this having freshly seen the movie so I want to strike while the iron is hot. I’ve never failed to mention my geek-ass-fanboy-nitpicking at Super Hero movies straying from the original mythology of their respective series.

However I’ve learned to keep that in check as I realize they’re not tailored for me, but for mass audiences who might not know as much back story as I do. Even tailoring that urge, I still find IM3 comes up short.

I don’t want to give too much away. I must give Shane Black who directed this and co-wrote the screenplay props for trying. He tries to  humanize Tony Stark by reliving his Post Traumatic Stress about the epic battle in the  Avengers movie.  I would have liked a little more exposition in this sub plot. I couldn’t help but think if I was reading this in a comic I would have more sympathetic.

And there’s the 800 lb elephant in the room called the big plot twist which I cannot discuss here. It further led to my disappointment with IM3. It’s clever, but still a letdown.

I”m a big fan of gossip blogs and do enjoy Michael K’s daily blasts at Gwyneth  Paltrow’s pretentious musings on Dlisted.com. In spite of  my looking at her with a raised eyebrow now, she does an adequate job as Tony’s love interest. Don Cheadle is wasted as Lt. Colonel James ‘Rhodey’ Rhodes.  He might be rebranded as the Iron Patriot (I liked his previous name as War Machine better), but it’s still Robert Downey Jr’s task to save the day. I’ll leave it to you to decide on Guy Pearce and Ben Kingsley’s turns as villains Aldrich Killian and The Mandarin respectively. That should tell you something.

And if you do go be prepared to sit through TEN minutes of credits to see a little scene as they do in all Marvel movies now.

As some of may know I always have a problem with Super Hero movies because they stray away from the comic book origins and the characters mythology/story history. Captain America The First Avenger is no exception. That being said I find most of  my nitpicking to be minor for the most part and did not really take away from my enjoying the movie. Sure most of it is standard and predictable, but it’s still a fun ride.

Chris Evans (Fantastic Four) portrays Steve Rogers a 98 lb weakling (the CGI putting Evans head on a skinny little body is impressive) who constantly gets turned down when trying to enlist in the service during WWII . His buddy Bucky Barnes (nitpicking point 1) enlists and before shipping overseas takes his 4F friend out for a night out on the town.  They go to a World’s Fair type exposition in Flushing Meadows park  with their dates when Steve spies a recruiting booth at the fair and tries to enlist once again.

As Bucky confronts Steve about this exercise in futility and possible crime (they keep harping about how illegal it is to try and enlist under false information) their exchange is overheard by Dr Erskine (Stanley Tucci , a fine actor and the best part of Undercover Blues. Go find it, trust me.)  Dr Erskine who we learn fled from the Nazis, likes Steve as a candidate for his Super Soldier experiment and stamps him 1A fit for duty.

Steve enters the service and joins the weeding out process for the prime Super Soldier candidate much to the chagrin of Tommy Lee Jones’s Army Colonel.  (All is forgiven for your portrayal of Two-Face Tommy).  As in the comics, Steve gets the formula and transforms into Captain America.

The movie version is pretty similar to this except for the tanning booth

I’m not gonna go over the whole flick but have to give Hugo Weaving props for his portrayal of the Red Skull, Hayley Atwell as Steve’s love interest Peggy Carter and in a surprise appearance for me, Toby Jones (Infamous where he played Truman Capote) as Dr Armin Zola.

I give it 3.75 out of 5 stars. Go see it. I can’t wait for this on video.

As always with these Avengers movies, make sure you stay through the credits.

And now for the nitpicking *SPOILER ALERT* Don’t read this part as it might spoil part of the movie for you.  Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah OK. Now that that’s over.

– When was Bucky the older and bigger of the two? Bucky was Cap’s mascot as Robin was Batman’s. That being said I actually approve of this rewriting of history. To include a young Bucky would have slowed the movie down and make it even longer.

–  I  do like the casting of Neil McDonough and Derek Luke as members of the Howling Commandos.  However this does create a nit to pick. (**WARNING big time geek fanboy speak coming up. You’ve been warned**) In the original comics The Howling Commandos were led by Nick Fury. A white Nick Fury for those of you who may not know this.

That don't look like Sam Jackson to me

But then the problem becomes how is it Nick Fury is still around when Captain America is thawed out of the ice?  When the Captain was reintroduced in 1964* Nick Fury was only 20 yrs removed from WWII. Even with the infinity formula that he was shot up with during and  after the war that slowed down the aging process, he still would be  close to 100 years old now.  I don’t know how willing movie audiences are willing to believe that. I know they have no problem with The Hulk character or a guy that flies and controls lightning but the comics crowd is a much more forgiving bunch. And since Paramount already ran with the Ultimates version of Nick Fury based on Samuel L Jackson in previous films why even go there?

* In the comics Captain America was frozen in a block of ice and worshiped by an Eskimo tribe. Prince Namor The Sub Mariner  (Think Aquaman with an attitude, Spock ears and wings on his ankles. A diva before his time ) sees this and goes berserk throwing Cap into the Ocean.  The Avengers happen upon his thawed out body in the ocean and revive him. In the movie agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. find him in a plane’s wreckage.

A real diva, this Namor

I just KNOW Kanye West has an outfit like this.

And since Prince Namor is one of the zillion or so Marvel Universe characters that have not made it to the big screen I completely get leaving him out. Although I do think Tom Cruise would make a great Namor.

And don’t get me started about Baron Zemo.