Archive for the ‘ Total Retail ’ Category

Today in Retail…..

The day after Xmas is usually for returns, not dealing with folks who have no idea what they’re talking about

Here are 3 of today’s winners….

1. Customer “Do you have the Bluetooth”? I’m like “What?”
“The Bluetooth!”
Turns out he wanted an earpiece so he could talk on his phone. Looked like a livery cab driver to me. 

2. “I NEED A CHARGER SO I CAN CHARGE THREE DIFFERENT TYPES OF PHONES!”
‘Three Different types of phones?’
“THREE DIFFERENT TYPES OF PHONES I SAW IT ON THE INTERNET. IT HAS PLUGS FOR THREE DIFFERENT TYPES OF PHONES”
‘There are two types of phones iPhone and Android with different….’
“I SAW IT ONLINE. THEY TOLD ME TO GO TO THE APPLE SECTION BUT THERE IS NO ONE THERE. I NEED ONE TODAY IM LEAVING THE COUNTRY TOMORROW “
(So you walk across the store to confuse me? I ask him if he has a picture of this amazing device on his phone. He pats his pockets and says he has no phone.
I walk him over to the Apple section and explain how iPhones use lightning cables and Androids use USB -C ports.
‘So you take this cable and plug this end into your iPhone and this end into the power adapter to charge it. And there’s one for Androids as well. I don’t know what 3rd kind of plug you’re talking about except Mini USB, but they don’t make phones with those anymore.’
“NO NO NO….WAIT I HAVE ONE”
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out…. a portable phone battery. He wanted a small one so it could fit in her purse. I take him over to the mobile section and set him up with a 5000mAh energizer battery.
“WILL THAT FIT IN A WALLET?”
‘I thought you wanted one to fit in her purse. Look how small this is compared to the one you showed me. And it’s only 19.99’
“ILL TAKE IT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH! HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU!”
As he walked away 2 sups who overheard this exchange complimented me for dealing with him. I started to reply that I should have choked him out at the Apple section and placed his body under the table and blamed the Apple rep. Some thoughts are best kept to one’s self sometimes.

3. “I need HDMI Bluetooth. Wireless.  (Saw the confused look on my face) For Gaming. “
Me: “You’ll have to ask a blueshirt. I have no idea what you’re talking about. “

2022
12/26
CATEGORY
Idiots
Total Retail
Leave a comment

Happy 4th of July!

APOLLOJAMES

Customer:” Do you have any Merle Haggard? I’ll bet yew don’t hoo dat is.”

Me:”You mean ‘I’m proud to be an Okie from Muskogee’ Merle Haggard?”

Customer:” Wow,You dew know dat is!”

Me:”Do you know who Joeski Love is?”

Customer:”No”

Me: “Google it and we’re even.”

2015
07/04
CATEGORY
Total Retail
1 comment

Retail Idiots

So now Facebook has a feature called “On this Day” where they reprint old posts. I have to admit I like it. It works better than that year-look-back-memories-collage nonsense. In an effort to actually post SOMETHING on here I give you an old FB post they found for me from 2014:

So some clown rolls up on me yesterday and tries to argue that there is a Mel Brooks movie called “History Of The World PART TWO”. I told him to buy a copy and I would give him the money. Then some joker who looked like he wasn’t buying shit wanted to tell me that the singer on Daft Punk’s “Get Lucky” was Michael Jackson. They “used an app” to recreate his voice this fool swore

2015
05/28
CATEGORY
Idiots
Total Retail
1 comment

Conversation Of The Day at Work pt 2

I watched with amazement as some upper east side habitue crawled out of his rent controlled hole and peppered a Best Buy employee with questions about the store’s classical music section

She turned to me and asked: ” What’s a turntable?”

Me: “You see the Vinyl section? That’s what you play then on.”

BBY employee : “oh.”

I swear he reminded me of this guy:

2011
10/28
CATEGORY
Idiots
Music
Total Retail
1 comment

Conversation of the day at work

Merchandiser:  “How come if Pink Floyd goes under P like you said, Big Pun goes under B?”

Me: “Because this ain’t iTunes, that’s why.”

2011
07/01
CATEGORY
Total Retail
Leave a comment

Total Retail- A quickie

I worked at the Village Tower Records briefly (two weeks) back in …..oh who cares. Anyway I was in the cassette department when this exchange took place:

Girl 1 picks up phone in department and asks loudly : ” Do we have any Richie Havens in stock?”

Girl 2 : “Who cares, he’s dead!”

Me: “What do mean he’s dead? Richie Havens is not dead!”

Girl 2 “Yeah he is! Richie Havens, the guy that sang La Bamba ! “

2010
11/11
CATEGORY
Total Retail
1 comment

Total Retail Vol 3

I’ve worked with some characters in my life that’s for sure.  This story popped up in the random thoughts file in my head so I figure I  should spill it before it fades away.

Back in the day at Crazy Eddie’s I used to work with this guy named Andre. Nice guy, soft spoken, didn’t get on anyone’s nerves, pretty much kept to himself. He did have a habit of calling out though. Especially around the weekend. As he was a musician, it seemed appropriate (As an assistant manager I was pretty easy going. As long as the floor was covered, I didn’t care who was in. My manager Pete on the other hand was not so carefree. )

One Friday Andre called out. Now on the following Sunday AM I came to work, walked to the front door of the store and saw my buddy George standing there with a shit eating grin for the ages. I asked him what was up and he told me “go upstairs.” He was so busy giggling he couldn’t look at me.

My curiosity piqued, I walked to the stairway and looked up and there was Andre up on the second floor leaning over the rail. With a long flowing mane of black hair. Now when I last saw him, he looked like any other black guy on the street  with a short haircut, now he looked like Nigel St Hubbins or something. At first I thought it was a wig.  He told it was a weave.  I can still hear George’s cackling laughter in the background as we spoke:

Andre : ” I know, I know its for…”

Me (throwing my hands up and cutting him off): ” I don’t care.  It’s your business. It’s not against the dress code so there’s nothing for me to say. ” (My having had one of the world’s greatest Jheri Curl do’s in the past also kept my mouth shut. Who was I to talk?)

I used to abuse this like crack

Now at this store there was an intercom that could be heard throughout the store. Usually it was for making announcements or locating employees (“Manny to the PE counter, Manny to the PE counter “). But it let me know after that whenever Andre came into work. How you ask?

When he would walk in George would get on the intercom and sing “Maybe I’m just like my mother, she’s never satisfied….”

Thinking about that never fails to crack me up.

I ran into Andre about four years ago at Virgin Union Square. Don’t you hate when people recognize you and you have no idea who they are? That happened with Andre. He called me by name and I looked at him like he was from another planet. After telling me who he was and where we worked together, it hit me. He was still a real cool humble guy. Without the weave though.

2010
09/23
CATEGORY
Total Retail
Leave a comment

Recent entry

Archive

Category